January 15, 2017

I Wish He Had Come With Instructions by Mike Bechtle

This is a nonfiction book about how most men think and respond and what drives their behaviors.  
Dr. Mike Bechtle, an educator, speaker and author, addresses why men act 
the way they do in a variety of situations as they move through their lives.  

I wish I had been able to read this book in my early 20's as a young wife.  It is a very insightful book written by Bechtle with the goal of giving women ways to approach and communicate more effectively with the men in their lives.  I could apply a great deal of this to my husband but also to my dad and my sons.  He explains that most men will respond positively to conversation, communication and change if approached from the right angle.  

He does preface his remarks by saying that some men may not fit these suggestions due to their abusive or other harmful behaviors and that one should seek serious help in those cases.  He assumes that if you are reading this book you are seeking to build a positive relationship with a man you want to know and understand more deeply.  He also reminds us that this is not a book about making your men change to meet your expectations.  It is meant to give you tools so that you can approach them in positive ways to build stronger relationships.

This book gives very practical suggestions on how men think, act, and communicate.  Bechtle gives suggestions on how to reach beyond the outer person to really build a relationship that nurtures both of you.  In one of the chapters he mentions that his wife proofread it for him and suggested that all the work seems to be done by the woman in a relationship according to his writing.  He clarifies that by bringing us back to the title and purpose of the book.  It is meant to show women how to understand and approach situations differently for more positive responses and results.  He reminds us that the book was written for women and gives them tools that THEY can incorporate for better communication.  We cannot change other people... we can only change ourselves and our behavior.  This book gives us those tools.  

The ultimate message of this book is that we, as women, should take what we learn here to change how we will approach the men in our lives.  He assumes we are not looking for a fight but for an open dialogue.  He gives some great ideas that will help us approach our men with love and a desire to deepen our relationship with them.  His approach is one that builds the team in marriage.  I loved the part where he talked about two people bringing their strengths together to make a much stronger team than either could ever be on their own.

I highly recommend this book for any woman who wants to build better relationships with their husbands, fathers, and sons.  It changed my mind about a lot of things.  I see things that I can change about how I talk to my husband and older boys that I did not even realize may have sounded threatening instead of helpful.   

This book is extremely practical and informative... I give this one a solid 5 out of 5 rating.

I received this book for free from Baker Publishing Company for an honest review.  It is written from a Christian perspective but is not "preachy."  I would have totally picked this book up and purchased it if I had seen it in a bookstore.  I am grateful for the opportunity to share this book with other women.  It is a timely message that I think all women need to hear.

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